Here it is – the long overdue hair blog. I’ve got a million reasons for wanting/needing to chop off my hair, like, yesterday. But every time I try to write them down, it ends up a jumbled snarky sarcastic mess that would probably be a better video than a blog. But I’m here, and I’m gonna attempt to stay organized so I can better explain to you guys exactly why I’ve made the decision to chop my hair off.
Now before you say anything – This isn’t something I’m taking lightly. In fact, I have wanted the exact same haircut for more than a year. I’ve slept on it, like 300ish times, so I think it’s safe to say that this isn’t some impulsive act of rebellion. And I do love my hair, don’t get me wrong.
When my hair is done (which is like, albino squirrel rare) it’s freaking beautiful! It’s long, shiny, and super healthy. I have approximately 5 split ends on my whole head. I wish I could say “I take really good care of my hair!” but I actually don’t. I just don’t ever do it. It’s air dried and thrown into a knot on top of my head like 28/30 days of the month.
That wasn’t a problem when I was single. When I was single, I had to look decent like… Twice a month. Maaaaaybe twice a month, if it was a good month. Now that I’m in a committed relationship, I have to look decent every weekend! And eventually I’m gonna have to look decent during the week! That’s a lot of work when your hair is really thick and down to the middle of your back. Back when I was single, I had all of Saturday to get ready. I could blow dry my hair, in layers, including small breaks to rehydrate; then I could straighten my hair, in layers, including small breaks to rehydrate; then I could curl my hair (should I deem it appropriate) in layers, including small breaks to rehydrate. The whole process took between 2 and 3 hours. FOR HAIR. Not including shaving my legs, not including doing my makeup. 2 to 3 hours, for the hairs on my head. The fact of the matter is that I just don’t have that sort of time now. Justin wakes up and he’s ready to seize the day, which always includes going into public. There’s three potential outcomes here.
And I know what some of you might be thinking. “The problem is simple – Just wake up earlier!” hahahahahaha, no. When I’m sleeping next to Justin, it’s a weekend. Sometimes I’m not even ready to get up when he gets up; I’m definitely not waking up any earlier.
And since I know someone is going to say it, I knoooooow short hair is just as much maintenance as long hair (like you still have to blow dry it and straighten/curl it). I get it. The grass isn’t green on the other side, it’s green where you water it. But I know me. And I know that I’m much more inclined to water MY yard than my Mom’s yard, because my Mom lives on 10 acres. Smaller yard, more frequently watered. Now that that’s cleared up, I’ll jump into the three main reasons I’ve decided to cut it all off.
Reason #1: I work in a fucking warehouse.
In Texas. In south Texas. It’s hot, even during the winter. Pulling my hair up doesn’t do much, because at that point it’s like wearing a wool cap over my skull and neck. Only it’s 110° outside.
Reason #2: It takes too long to air dry.
Summer, winter, it doesn’t matter. If I don’t do some serious towel drying (damaging) or blow drying (even more damaging) to my hair before I lay down for the night, I WILL wake up with wet hair in the morning. There’s no way around it. My hair is just too thick.
Reason #3: It takes too long to do.
I can’t just blow dry my hair and have straight, non-frizzy bouncy pieces of blonde falling down my back. It doesn’t work like that. Simularly, I can’t just comb my hair after the shower and have non-frizzy ringlet curls bouncing around. It doesn’t work like that. Every “style” my hair can possibly be requires products, a blow dryer, patience, and time. I have 2 of the 4.
Now, I’ve done my share of research. I’ve looked at pictures, watched videos, and read countless blogs by women who have cut their long hair off and what their experience was. I wasn’t searching for just the good ones or just the bad ones, I did a very general search and studied both sides of the coin. And I tell you, damn near every blog I see talks about how women get their hair cut and feel a twinge of regret in their stomach every time they see some girl with long flowing hair. This already happens to me, and I have long flowing hair. I see people online, on Instagram, even in the grocery store with hair that looks like it’s straight out of a magazine. But my hair never looks like that, even when I do it. Why? Because I live in one of the most humid places in the world! As soon as I walk outside, the hours I spent slaving over my hair is wasted because my hair starts to frizz and crease. In short, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m never going to look like someone out of a magazine. And that’s okay.
Let’s take a minute to talk about my girl, Khloe Kardashian. She’s known for causing some serious hair envy, along with her sister Kylie Jenner.
Only here’s the thing – both of these girls have someone on payroll to make their hair so amazing. Straight hair, beachy waves, curls, braids; they don’t do this themselves. They wake up every day and sit in a chair and pay someone a small fortune to make their hair fucking perfect. And shit, if I had the money, I’d be all over that! But I don’t. I’m just one person. I didn’t go to school for this, and I’m almost always short on time.
The point I’m trying to make here, the funny (ironic) part of this is that Khloe and Kylie both have bob haircuts now. Yep. They’ve both cut off their hair because on their off days (do they even have off days?) they want to be able to look amazing all by themselves. Short hair is more manageable whether you’re Khloe Kardashian or Chaney Robinson.
Thing of the people you know with long, flowing, gorgeous hair that gives you major hair envy. Write down 5 names. How many of those names are celebrities or random Instagram models? All of them? Okay. Instagram models have nothing better to do than sit around and do their hair while drinking their flat tummy tea. Lol. You can’t set that as a standard of beauty because honestly, that’s not standard at all. That’s incredibly rare. And I promise you (as a former bun chunker) she chunks it up in a bun after one picture for The Gram.
So in conclusion. I’ve made the decision to cut my hair several times in the past year. I’ve always talked myself out of it. But not anymore! Hair appointment is scheduled with Christine Benoit on May 24, 2016 at 1:00pm. (:
I already know what happens when I give up. I want to see what will happen if I don't.