Unless your name is Patrick Star and you live under a rock, I'm sure you've seen the very controversial holiday cup that Starbucks unveiled this past Saturday. The "controversy" started when one "Christian" posted a video to his Facebook page, claiming that Starbucks had prompted a war on Christianity... Because their holiday cups were plain red. To understand how stupid this is, lets take a look at the holiday cups that Starbucks has released in years past...
As you can see, the cups from years' past have contained poinsetta flowers, sparkles, pine trees, reindeer, and ornaments. All the things Jesus preached about in the Bible. Here's this year's holiday cup:
This little demonic red gradient cup comes with a gold sparkly sleve as so you don't burn yourself on the satanic liquid within. How thoughtful of them! Social media made SUCH a big deal out of this little red cup that I decided to dance with the devil. I decided that today, Friday the 13th, I would walk into hell (aka Starbucks) and purchase myself a little cup of sin. So I did just that. Here's what I found as I ventured into the Devil's realm on this most unholy of days:
The images you're about to see may be offensive to some audiences. Children and the elderly should exercise caution when viewing these images. Make sure you're seated as to avoid any fainting spells.
Here you see bags of ground-up fecal matter from the Devil himself labeled "Christmas Blend". This was obviously shocking to me, since I had previously been told that Starbucks had waged a war on Christians and were consequently boycotting Christmas and all things Jolly. Luckily I kept my wits about me.
Possessed by the Devil, I ordered and payed for my coffee. A triple Pumpkin Spice Latte with no whipped cream. I watched the woman behind the counter prepare it, wondering if she had any idea that she was preforming the Devil's deeds. I knew deep down that I would receive a cup of sin which the Devil would enchant to taste like my normal drink.She handed me my cup, which I contained the blood of my enemies. I couldn't bear to drink it. It was 30 minutes later sitting at my desk before I took the first sip:
It's just a cup.
In an effort to change up my life (cuz ya know, I do that) I tried fasted cardio this morning and it’s been magical. Here are some of my favorite observations from today.
Observation #1 – I hopped right out of bed this morning.
What?! On a Monday?! Yes, you read that correctly. When I woke up at exactly 3:20 this morning, I hit the snooze button (of course) but I didn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t roll over and slam my eyes shut in a desperate attempt to capture that last 15 minutes of sleep. This morning was different. Of course I was tired, but knowing that I’d already committed to a morning gym session (by laying out my clothes the night before) really got me thinking. Should I take preworkout, or Spark? Did I set out my headphones or are they in my backpack? Should I tan today? Will I have time to tan today? How cold is it outside?
Observation #2 – My day is over when I clock out
There’s not many things worse than getting off a 12-hour shift and having to drag yourself to the gym. It really, really sucks. Since my workouts happen in the morning now, my day is actually over when I clock out. I get to drive home, shower, and go right to sleep. That’s paradise, folks.
Observation #3 – I’m actually awake at work
Normally it takes a Spark and about 4 hours before I’m ready to engage in conversation with my coworkers. It’s even worse on days where I didn’t get at least 8 hours of sleep. But since my day started about 2 hours and a sweat session earlier than normal, I was wide awake when I walked in the door this morning. I was telling people “good morning”, giving high fives… It was weird.
Observation #4 – I’m hitting my Fitbit goals earlier in the day
It’s only 10:30 and I’ve already hit my goal of 5000 steps for the day. My workout was less than 1000 steps, so hitting my goal is entirely due to all the energy I have post-workout. Normally, all that post-workout energy goes to waste because I go home and go right to sleep. But not today! I’ve been awake since 3:20 this morning and I have YET to crash or feel tired.
Observation #5 – I’m drinking water to rehydrate, not to get ahead
This is at the top of the “Things I Didn’t Expect” list. Today, I am actually thirsty! Normally, I drink water all day (a gallon to a gallon and a half) to keep myself hydrated in preparation of my work out in the afternoon. It’s not necessarily EASY to drink that much water, especially if it’s a slower day at work and I’m not moving around as much. But today has been entirely different! I’ve been consistently drinking water throughout the day and I have no doubt that I’ll pass the two-gallon mark today. I’m not sure if I’m dehydrated from my workout this morning or if my body just needs the fluids, but I’m not complaining one bit.
Observation #6 – Early to bed vs. Early to rise
Let’s say that I wake up every day at 5:00, work 6:00-4:30, and go to bed at 6:00. No workout (hypothetically). Add a one hour workout. Hypothetically, I either have to start my day an hour earlier at 4:00, or end my day an hour later at 7:00. Right? It doesn’t matter if you wake up an hour early or stay up an hour later – You’re still losing an hour of sleep to go to the gym. This is entirely true with me! If I work out in the evening, I get home around 6:30 and go to bed by 7:30. However, if I work out in the morning, I’ll be home every day by 5:00 and asleep by 5:30. It all balances out. It doesn’t matter what time you work out, you’re still devoting one hour out of your 24 hour day to the gym. It all boils down to waking up earlier or going to sleep later. For me, I’m thinking the best option is waking up earlier.
I already know what happens when I give up. I want to see what will happen if I don't.