Unless your name is Patrick Star and you live under a rock, I'm sure you've seen the very controversial holiday cup that Starbucks unveiled this past Saturday. The "controversy" started when one "Christian" posted a video to his Facebook page, claiming that Starbucks had prompted a war on Christianity... Because their holiday cups were plain red. To understand how stupid this is, lets take a look at the holiday cups that Starbucks has released in years past...
As you can see, the cups from years' past have contained poinsetta flowers, sparkles, pine trees, reindeer, and ornaments. All the things Jesus preached about in the Bible. Here's this year's holiday cup:
This little demonic red gradient cup comes with a gold sparkly sleve as so you don't burn yourself on the satanic liquid within. How thoughtful of them! Social media made SUCH a big deal out of this little red cup that I decided to dance with the devil. I decided that today, Friday the 13th, I would walk into hell (aka Starbucks) and purchase myself a little cup of sin. So I did just that. Here's what I found as I ventured into the Devil's realm on this most unholy of days:
The images you're about to see may be offensive to some audiences. Children and the elderly should exercise caution when viewing these images. Make sure you're seated as to avoid any fainting spells.
Here you see bags of ground-up fecal matter from the Devil himself labeled "Christmas Blend". This was obviously shocking to me, since I had previously been told that Starbucks had waged a war on Christians and were consequently boycotting Christmas and all things Jolly. Luckily I kept my wits about me.
Possessed by the Devil, I ordered and payed for my coffee. A triple Pumpkin Spice Latte with no whipped cream. I watched the woman behind the counter prepare it, wondering if she had any idea that she was preforming the Devil's deeds. I knew deep down that I would receive a cup of sin which the Devil would enchant to taste like my normal drink.She handed me my cup, which I contained the blood of my enemies. I couldn't bear to drink it. It was 30 minutes later sitting at my desk before I took the first sip:
It's just a cup.
I already know what happens when I give up. I want to see what will happen if I don't.